Tuesday, February 10, 2009
7 Secrets of Highly Orgasmic Women
You and your man are in the throes of passion: He's calling out your name, quickening his thrusts, breathing fast and loud. You know he's ready, but he knows you're not. He tries harder, but his impatience just distracts you from your lustful pursuit -- and another pleasure peak bites the dust.
"The story of my sex life," says Julia,* a graphic artist in Portland, ME. That is, before it underwent a revolution after her close girlfriend -- who could have seismic orgasms from a whisper in the ear -- spilled her sexual secrets. "I couldn't believe what I was hearing," recounts Julia. "But after putting her tips into action, I started climaxing just from fantasizing about my guy."
Inspired, we set out to find a group of these very practiced peakers -- women who can orgasm at the drop of his dime -- and ferret out their secrets of quick-and-easy coming. Here, their moan-and-groan mantras.
*Some names have been changed.
1. Always Expect an Earth-Moving Orgasm
Orgasmatronic women don't subscribe to the sit-back-and-cross-your-fingers formula for achieving sexual nirvana. Instead, they're confident they'll have to be removed from the rafters every time they go for a roll in the hay.
"Hell, yes, I'm going to climax when I have sex," asserts Michelle, a Website designer in San Francisco. "Why shouldn't I? For me it's not a matter of whether I'll have an orgasm, it's a matter of how. Otherwise, it's a little like ordering filet mignon in a restaurant and thinking, well, if I actually get the steak, that's great. But if all that arrives is a salad, well, better luck next time. So if something's just not working for me sexually, I actively take another approach -- and if necessary, another -- until I find my own passion solution."
After all, men just assume they're going to climax, so why can't we? "I call it the gender orgasm gap," explains Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of Super Sexual Orgasm (HarperCollins, 1997). "Men get physical knowing they'll get off -- and that faith makes it happen. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If women would adopt the same never-settle-for-anything-less expectations as men, I swear they'd be having a lot more climaxes."
2. Clear Your Mental Plate
To have blockbuster climaxes routinely, it's crucial to enlist your most powerful sex organ: your mind. "Our brains are wired such that we see the world much more holistically than men do," says Gina Ogden, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of Women Who Love Sex (Pocket, 1995). "Any small distraction registers on our psychological screens -- which is good for some things but can wreak havoc on our sex lives." The orgasm-savvy solution: Clear your slate of nagging worries so you can minimize distractions and focus strictly on pleasure.
Micah, a writer in Baltimore, agrees that clearing her mind of little niggling concerns is key to being highly climactic. "First, I double-check that I'm doubly protected so I'm not distracted by fears of becoming pregnant. Then, when I'm having sex, I visualize (very explicitly) exactly what's going on -- my boyfriend touching my breast, my leg wrapped around his, the sweat beading down his back. If I let the here-and-now sexual act take the spotlight, reaping mind-reeling results is really quite easy."
3. Play Out All Passionate Possibilities
Imagine trying to do the salsa without swinging your hips, or attempting to daintily eat a cheeseburger deluxe (tomato, lettuce, pickles, onions, oozing mayo and mustard) with a knife and fork. Impossible, right? And frankly, kind of fun-sapping. Well, that's what going for orgasm gold is like if you don't let loose a little.
"Getting over sexual taboos has drastically changed my sex life," marvels Margaret, a painter from New Orleans. "I used to be freaked out by the idea of watching porn. I attached some sort of 'dirty' stigma to it. But then my boyfriend convinced me to give it a try just once, and you know what? Bingo! Not only did I have amazing orgasms, but I realized that I was still a good person, that watching porn didn't turn me into a sleazebag. Now I try it all -- you never know what'll rock your sexual world."
"I'll try anything once," agrees Brenda, a broker in New York City. "If it doesn't do it for me sexually, I don't try it again. End of story. But if it does, I've just opened the door to many more orgasmic possibilities. To take the pressure off, my boyfriend and I have a deal. If what looked like a brilliant sex stunt when Mickey Rourke did it turns into something more suitable for America's Funniest Home Videos when we do it, we vowed never to laugh at each other -- with each other is fine but never at each other."
4. Get Monogamous
Think the same ol' is bound to be boring? Sexually successful women insist you can reap enormous erotic payoffs by sticking with one main man.
"Ever since my boyfriend and I started living together, I'm having orgasms 90 percent of the time, compared to my casual dating average of about 50 percent," says a very satisfied Megan, a interior designer on Long Island. "Our supersex secret? Through experience, we now totally know each others' major moan zones and are relaxed enough to continue to discover brand-new ones."
The monogamy advantage also gave Diana's sex life a definite turn for the better. "It used to take me forever to come," concedes the Los Angeles music producer. "That is, until my then-boyfriend of three years noticed that my vulva is tilted toward the right. He mastered my quirky curve and succeeds in making me come fast and furiously every time."
5. Stick with What Works
You know the old saying you never forget how to ride a bike? That's because although your brain might forget, your muscles retain a physical memory. And riding your own pleasure peaks is no different. "What you feel as orgasm is the rhythmic contraction of several pelvic muscles," explains Keesling. "So if a certain position has rocketed your arousal level and triggered a sensational orgasm once, just getting back into that same position can set your body up for another over-the-top O."
"For the longest time I could only have an orgasm through oral or manual stimulation -- never intercourse," says Shelly, a film editor in New York City. "I had basically resigned myself to that fact. Then, while my boyfriend and I were having sex one afternoon on our living-room couch, we accidentally rolled off and landed with me sitting very upright -- at a 90 degree angle -- on top of him. Riding him that way, I went wild. Now, we have a groove down. If I'm having trouble tooting my horn, we just maneuver ourselves into that position and it works every time -- it's truly a guaranteed comer."
6. Take Whatever Comes
Highly climactic women are equal-opportunity orgasm fans.
"Discriminating against a certain kind of orgasm is like discriminating against money," insists Gwen, a singer in Columbia, SC, and a superorgasm success story. "I mean, a million dollars is a million dollars whether it's in check form, gold bars or cold, hard cash. Who cares which way it comes, just so long as it comes."
And who says you even have to have sex to sing hallelujah? Not Megan. "I've discovered that I get a little extra pleasure perk every time I do pushups. In fact, believe it or not, I've actually had full-on, cigarette-worthy orgasms doing floor work in funk class. Maybe it's because I'm all sweaty and worked up and my endorphins are going or because I'm clenching my muscles a certain way. Who knows? Who cares? Needless to say, my upper body definition has become quite impressive."
7. Have Fun
Here's a secret: Sex doesn't cure cancer. It also doesn't ensure world peace or bring down superpowers (er, scrap that one). The point is, getting it right every time isn't that important. "It's like what my mother used to say about streetcars,' says Keesling. "If you miss one, there's another right around the corner."
"Sex is supposed to be fun," insists Greta, an extremely adroit orgasmer from Texas. "Getting all worked up and stressed-out about it is like panicking over eating chocolate fudge cake. If I start to break a sweat about whether or not I'll break sexual records, I just throw up my hands and say, Oh, what the hell. Going with the flow is usually all it takes to make you peak so high they have to peel you off the ceiling."
Foreplay Your Way
Women reveal make-me-moan moves that take them from serious action to seismic satisfaction.
"Foot massages, toe sucking, putting his fingers (or tongue) in the spaces between my toes -- any and all attention to my tootsies has a very potent sexual effect. By the time he heads north, I'm working on orgasm number two."
"As cliché as it sounds, I love being spanked. Not superhard, but forceful enough to feel that tingle on my bottom. Then, I really show him what a bad girl I can be."
--Liz Sillian, 22, waitress
"My boyfriend knows all he has to do is nosh on my neck -- not gentle kisses but devouring, sucking and biting. I instantly feel like a teenager in the backseat of a Chevy."
--Deanne, Website designer
"It totally turns me on to be sexually dominated, so I love it when my husband handles me more roughly than usual -- pushes me up against the wall, hikes up my skirt. It makes me feel like every nerve ending in my body is ready to explode."
--Marly, literary agent
"Teasing at every stage of the sexual session makes me crazy -- from playing with my tongue while we're kissing to taking his time entering me, doing it bit by bit and so painstakingly slow that I'm begging him to go all the way."
--Kim Brown, city planner