Monday, February 9, 2009
Facts Every Man Suffering From Premature Ejaculation
The first thing you should know about premature ejaculation is that it’s not a health problem, disease or disability – there’s no physical problem that’s causing it. There are four reasons why you may be suffering from premature ejaculation.
1. One reason could be, that as an adolescent, the masturbation habits you developed may have led to this. Typically adolescents masturbate with the intention of reaching orgasm quickly, thus premature ejaculation has been “grooved” into your system. That’s why you haven’t been able to shake it.
2. Now for the second reason, let’s face it we’d all like to be able to make love for hours. There’s one problem though. The body sees sex as a means to reproduce. That said your body is going to try and reproduce as fast and efficiently as possible. This is why premature ejaculation mostly affects men in their teens and 20’s – they tend to be healthier and produce more hormones thus they have a more efficient reproductive system. Put simply, ejaculating quickly means your reproductive system is working as nature intended – survival of the species. The catch is, now you have to learn how to control it.
3. The third cause of premature ejaculation is the inability to handle and control intense arousal and sexual stimulation. Once arousal reaches a certain tipping point it becomes almost impossible to hold back ejaculation. But when you can tweak a few mental and physical factors you can push your tipping point farther and farther so you last longer and longer. By following some of my techniques you will be able to train your body to build a tolerance to even the most titillating sex sessions and increase your staying power – dramatically.
4. Lack of knowledge about the body and how the ejaculation process works. Once you have a better understanding of how your body works you'll have ten times more control over ejaculation.
Although you can begin to practice ejaculation control on your own, you'll obviously need the help of your partner to learn how to enjoy prolonged vaginal intercourse.
Premature ejaculation is extremely common. But men rarely talk about their sexual problems, so you're not likely to know that nearly all men ejaculate more quickly than they want. A survey done in America in the 1950's proved that 8 out of 10 men ejaculated within two minutes of entering their partner's vagina, and nothing has changed since then. Nowadays, premature ejaculation is defined as coming within three minutes of vaginal thrusting more than half the times you have sex. It looks as though being able to last a long time during lovemaking is a rare thing. But here's the surprise: premature ejaculation, though "normal", is easy to control with or without the help of a professional sex therapist.
Remember also that, premature ejaculation is only a problem if it's causing distress or tension for you or your partner. Many couples are quite happy to have the man bring his partner to orgasm with his tongue or his fingers before he inserts his penis into her vagina and enjoys his own quick orgasm. But although this can be satisfying, both partners will gain much more enjoyment from sex if the man is able to stay in his partner's vagina without ejaculating for at least ten or fifteen minutes. This is because women enjoy being penetrated by their lover (just as a man enjoys the feeling of penetrating her vagina), and the feeling of fullness can be deeply satisfying to her. What's more, sexual arousal and energy flows that begin to build up after a few minutes of insertion can provide exquisite sensations for both the man and the woman. Eventually these energy flows may lead to a vaginal or G spot orgasm, a powerful experience which a woman will miss if her man ejaculates after two or three minutes of vaginal intercourse. And for you, the man, there is nothing so exquisite as feeling her vagina throb and tighten around your penis as she comes: the sensations are so powerful that they will often make a man orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, so that the partners have a simultaneous orgasm. Believe me, simultaneous orgasms make for great sex, not just good sex.
So why do most men ejaculate so quickly? Sex therapists believe that a guy who ejaculates "too soon" can't recognize the fact that he's on the verge of ejaculating, and therefore doesn't slow down his thrusting to let his arousal drop. This would let him go on for longer. The problem is he doesn't know he's going to come until it's too late, and then suddenly he's saying "Oh shit, not again!" To make this point clearer, think of how you masturbate. You can control exactly when you ejaculate by slowing down what you're doing or stopping altogether. Similarly, the key to controlling premature ejaculation is learning to recognize when you're about to ejaculate by attuning yourself to your body's signals at each stage of your sexual cycle. In short, if you are a quick ejaculator, you must learn to recognize when you are about to ejaculate, then learn how to lower your sexual arousal, before you can control your ejaculation effectively.
The good news is that this isn't as difficult as it sounds. Consider your sexual response cycle. You start by getting aroused. Then, at some point, depending on the intensity of stimulation and your level of arousal, there's a shift to a level of arousal where ejaculation becomes inevitable (you probably know this feeling!). The difference between men who ejaculate too quickly and men who don't is the length of time they can stay below this point of "ejaculatory inevitability". You can learn to stay below this point in the same way that you can when you masturbate: you sense how aroused you are, and slow down or decrease the stimulation so as to hold off your ejaculation. When you're masturbating, this means you slow down your hand movements; when you're making love it means you decrease the speed, depth or rate of thrusting in your partner's vagina. This gives you more control over how quickly you come, and allows you to end the cycle of over arousal - premature ejaculation - performance anxiety - even faster ejaculation next time.
There are loads of methods which claim to keep you below the point of ejaculatory inevitability, ranging from anesthetic creams to wearing two condoms to mysterious magical Eastern mythologies sold to you on the internet for only a few dollars more! The reality is that there is just one way of learning to control your ejaculation, and that's the way that a professional sex therapist would teach you, and it's the way described on this website.
Your premature ejaculation will stop when you use these techniques.
First of all, however, you have some other things to think about, because premature ejaculation isn't just a physical issue. It involves your emotions as well.
If you are worried about premature ejaculation, you are very likely to be causing some level of emotional arousal in your body which will make your nervous system even more sensitive to stimulation and therefore more likely to have a premature ejaculation. There are several ways you can deal with this, but the two most effective are relaxation and reassurance from your partner.
Take the time to work through issues of anxiety, anger or guilt with your partner, whether these are sexual or not
Fear or anxiety makes men ejaculate quickly because their whole system is aroused, on red alert, poised to respond in a split second to danger or stimulation - including sexual stimulation. What's more, if a guy is in some way anxious about his partner, or sex, or women in general, then ejaculating quickly is a natural reaction to get away from the source of the anxiety!
Anger is a real barrier to intimacy. If you're feeling uncomfortable with someone, you have two ways of dealing with sex: you can cut yourself off from your feelings so there's no special connection with the other person, in which case it isn't lovemaking, but sex, that you're doing; or you can try and avoid sex altogether. Ejaculating quickly is one way of doing this. I know when I've been feeling angry towards a partner I've tended to ejaculate quickly. I don't think that's surprising, because it isn't possible to be intimate with someone you're angry at. I think similar issues arise in a relationship where the guy feels his maleness or manhood is under threat at some level because she is somehow the dominant partner in the relationship. This may be an unpopular thing to say, but I think such a situation can be very debilitating for a man's emotional well-being and sense of self. I think that if a couple felt truly equal (or if the guy was slightly more dominant) and there were few, if any, emotional issues floating around beneath the surface, there would be less tension during sex and the whole process would proceed more naturally.
For the female partner quick ejaculation may be frustrating if she believes that she could orgasm through intercourse if only her man could hold off his ejaculation for long enough. Some couples may find this is a source of great conflict; some may deal with it by ensuring the woman has one or more orgasms by oral sex or masturbation before her man enters her, so that no matter how quickly he comes, they are both satisfied. Feelings of closeness and love can still be a wonderful part of even a quick sexual encounter like this if the partners embrace and cuddle afterwards. And it is important to accept that for some couples this is fine: we are all different, and perhaps nowhere is that more true than in our sexual preferences. But even so, a lot of couples want to be able to control their lovemaking, and have the man thrust for a long time in her vagina before he ejaculates.
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